It’s not just a woman’s thing, this love of chocs; my stepfather is just as smitten with it, especially Easter eggs.
Chocolate is not the only high calorie food in the world, just think of toffees, cream cakes, pizza, anything processed is high in fat and low in nutrients and yet chocolate has a bad press and an association with ‘hormonal’ women.
My stepNana phoned up yesterday and when I told her about my impending choco-feast she was horrified. She kept saying “No, it’s not good, it’s terrible” and when I said my only plan was to take to my bed and eat chocolate she was mortified. Now this is the woman who took my mum to one side when I was a teenager and told her she had to stop me getting so fat, so her opinions on fatness are known to me. She did not have the same reaction to the idea of a huge Chinese take-away which has probably more fat and calories than some good chocolate.
I didn’t think much of her reaction until this morning when I started to feel guilty for thinking about my present. Her small comments had seeped through the cracks of my fat-girl armour and started to make me feel judged. I’ve spent a long time feeling comfortable with the way I look – the Goddess knows I’ve tried dieting and I believe I am meant to be a cuddly soft pillow of a woman. Part of feeling OK with myself is not letting other people judge me on what I eat. Part of the fat person’s problem with food is that it becomes a secret. ‘Bad’ foods become the thing you want when you are not allowed to have them and having gone through years of ‘binge and purge’ I don’t want to go back there again!
SO bollocks to her…it’s not a sin to eat chocolate and to like it and want it. If I was 8 stone the silly woman wouldn’t have made those comments. I know plenty of thin women and men who enjoy the yummieness of the cocoa bean. It’s people like her who perpetuate the horrible feeling inside that makes a fat person want to eat in secret and binge.