heven knows i'm miserable now

yes, break out the old smiths songs cos I'm feeling very depressed. Bolloks I thought I'd got rid of that big blue bird sitting on my sholder. Fuck I'm sad. I keep thinking which one of my children I would save like in Sophie's choise. What a terrible thing to be thinking when looking at their screaming faces. I'm convinced that Solomon hates me, he always cries when ever i am around. Thank the goddess for breastmilk for i do belive it is the only reason my children need me.
Standing on the railway line waiting for a train to hit me? Can't do that to the kids...take them with me??? argh of course this is madness but each morning I wake up and I can feel it creeping over me.
BUT I'M HAPPY NOW i keep yelling at it but the black tide is coming...it's coming for me and I am afraid that there will be little children left lying in it's wake.
Goddess help me. I need her peace, I need Polly to sing to me, I need not to be crying. Why is it here again?? HELP ME someone.
I have changed health visitors to try and get some help so I need to see the new one, perhaps there is something i can get sorted
it's too much i keep saying to rob I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE and he doesn't belive me that i see pictures of dead children in my head. How can I speak these words to him. I'm so scared of myself
HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP

heven knows i'm miserable now

yes, break out the old smiths songs cos I'm feeling very depressed. Bolloks I thought I'd got rid of that big blue bird sitting on my sholder. Fuck I'm sad. I keep thinking which one of my children I would save like in Sophie's choise. What a terrible thing to be thinking when looking at their screaming faces. I'm convinced that Solomon hates me, he always cries when ever i am around. Thank the goddess for breastmilk for i do belive it is the only reason my children need me.
Standing on the railway line waiting for a train to hit me? Can't do that to the kids...take them with me??? argh of course this is madness but each morning I wake up and I can feel it creeping over me.
BUT I'M HAPPY NOW i keep yelling at it but the black tide is coming...it's coming for me and I am afraid that there will be little children left lying in it's wake.
Goddess help me. I need her peace, I need Polly to sing to me, I need not to be crying. Why is it here again?? HELP ME someone.
I have changed health visitors to try and get some help so I need to see the new one, perhaps there is something i can get sorted
it's too much i keep saying to rob I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE and he doesn't belive me that i see pictures of dead children in my head. How can I speak these words to him. I'm so scared of myself
HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP HELP

Argh no chocs

well i've tried very hard to sign up to the nice chocs place as rob for a second introductory offer box of golden goodness but after two weeks of waiting at the door for the post man I have read the small print...only one offer per household! So I sighned up as a combination of my brother and sister at mum's house. I also sent some money off in an envolope but then discovered they have just up thier delivery charges so i did not send enough. I have night mares where the money has just got lost or stolen or where they return it to me with no chocs. I have even tryed to upgrade my card so that I can use it to buy online but the bank are being weird about it.
I must endure...the endless nights, the rushing to the door at the sound of the postman. Normal chocalte is begining to taste ok again but really all i want is the lovley chocs.
I am obsessed.