I am having a bad day

Reasons why I am having a bad day:

• I got into a stupid conversation with my mother about multiculturalness (I don’t think that’s a word but you know what I mean). She objects to having to use names that are not ‘good old fashioned English names’ in her physics questions she writes. She said all her pupils are white so why should they read about Tyrone and Ishmael working out the height of a lamp post. I pointed out that in my area of Gloucester we have a very diverse range of cultures and all those kids of mixed-heritage that are finding their own culture. Also just because someone is called Tyrone doesn’t mean they are black, names mean nothing around here where there is such an intermingling of cultures. She got into a bit of a flap and then started spouting some very scary stuff “This is ENGLAND. We are a white Christian nation and if someone wants to come to my country they need to play by our rules. I object to them telling me how to run my life” So I say “WHO EXSACTLY has tried to make you do anything you don’t want to” She replies “The terrorists”. There I have to end the conversation because in the face of such blatant racism and misunderstanding and lapping up the shit the media dole out, what can you do? I just asked “What exactly is your culture that you are so eager to protect? Because in a country where 1% attends church on a Sunday I don’t think we can call the country Christian.” She went ballistic, drew in air, puffed herself up to eight times her size and then exploded all over the car….ok she didn’t but we had reached our destination and I was very sad to realise how narrow-minded my mother’s world view is.
• I dropped my toast on the floor, picked it up, took a bite only to discover it had landed in a patch of washing liquid that was cunningly hidden on the floor. I still taste the foulness of Floral Bouquet as I write.
• I have to put the kids to bed on my own. Mission impossible. The only reason I am not demanding Rob’s return at bedtime is that he has bargained that he will get up in the morning. I have to tell you I will do ANYTHING for a lie-in!
• I have a headache and we have run out of painkillers.
• I have two long days ahead of me where I have nothing to do and no money to do it with. We’ve already been to the park 3 times this week and there is a limit to the fascination of the city farm.
• I have a baby crying and crawling towards me now saying “mum mum mum”
• I would really like to have a holiday and that is NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. When I was at the festival I was still on Mum Duty. The best holiday I’ve had this year was when I was in hospital. Sad isn’t it?
• My house looks like some has had a party in it and it will never get clean again!

Stupid things people say to you when you’ve got dreadlocks

“Is that your real hair?”

Yes it is

“How do you get it like that?”

With a lot of work and beeswax

“Urgh. Do you take them out?”

Don’t be so bloody stupid it took seven years to get them this good

“Do you wash it?”

Yes

“What do you use? Carpet shampoo?”

No I use shampoo, it’s my hair

“When are you going to take them out?”

I don’t know, having dreadlocks is a long term commitment

“Doesn’t it get dirty?”

No it’s hair, I wash it.

“Do black people get pissed off ‘cos you’ve nicked their hair?”

Go and read up on the history of dreadlocks you dumbass. Celtic warriors have been found in their long barrows with beautifully coiled red dreadlocks on top of their heads.

“Don’t you want to look normal?”

That’s kinda the point.

Volunteer work

I am a volunteer! I work for nothing….actually that’s not true; I get a lot back from my volunteering work.

It all started about four years’ ago when I was pregnant with Osiris. I used to be a bit of a ganja smoker and all my friends were drop outs who sat around caning all day in darkened rooms. Two days’ after I discovered I was pregnant I gave up all kinds of smoking. This left me in a bit of a situation; I didn’t want to loose my friends but giving up had been SO hard that I couldn’t really be around them. I looked around and found lots of baby groups I could join and also discovered that I lived in a Sure start area. Sure start is a scheme that the Labour government thought up to try and help inner-city areas. They wanted to catch the kids in need before they went to school.

I went along to everything I could; Baby signing, breastfeeding support, baby trinket box making workshop, computer lessons etc. I soon became a regular at the Trust Centre, the local access point and all-round venue for kids stuff.

I was approached to help with their newsletter but I turned it down because I felt I really didn’t have anything to offer. That was until I got the Sure start newsletter through my letterbox! Even I, with my limited ability, could have done better than the sloppy, many-fonted, random clip-art comic sans (I HATE COMIC SANS) thing they had made. So I said I would kind of help out.

I enlisted the help of IRGXANA to do the graphics and we put together quite a lot of newsletters over the following year.

Earlier this year the Sure start scheme changed over to Children’s centres and I have found a new job as a Mentor to other volunteers. This is a very exciting new direction for me as I will be their link to access ‘the system’. I will be able to do something to help support other parents in a way that will be measurable.

Due to this new position I have been able to access loads of new training. I’m going on a course to learn how to help someone who is suffering from domestic violence, a five day Brain Gym course and another one in Multicultural play.

In the last year I have been on numerous courses that have all had great food and childcare provided but has also been amazing in helping me work with other parents. We have had training days where all the volunteers get together, do a few silly things then have a feast in a posh hotel and we had a lovely Christmas dinner together. I’ve met some wonderful women who have become friends with and have been really made to feel part of the organisation – thanks Louise!

I thought I’d blog about this aspect of my life as I’m not “just” a stay-at-home mum. I don’t stay at home; we go out everyday!

Businesses that live off women’s dreams and hard work

Around my way you can’t go a day without someone trying to sell you something. The main culprits are Party Lite candle parties; Ann Summers sex aids parties, Avon cosmetics, and the Innovation catalogue. There are plenty stranger and unwanted catalogues put through my door on a regular basis.

Most of these products….No ALL of these products I don’t want or need. The catalogue type companies charge their reps for the catalogues so we have desperate people trying to get their catalogues back from us while I try to explain it’s been eaten by the baby. The party type products are pushed by people who not only want you to have a party but also to encourage all your friends to have parties and invite everyone you have ever known to spend loads of money so you can get a 20% discount.

Quite often, when you talk to the people who do the leg-work you hear about how you can earn loads of money for doing practically nothing. After further investigation you usually find that this person is only making a small amount of money for quite a lot of work. They usually say that they are not working hard enough or that it’s just their patch that’s slow. The companies offer great training days that you can pay for to learn how to sell more. You are encouraged to find more foot-solders so you can become their manager and earn money off them. They are all pyramid schemes and so you have the potential to earn LOADS….or do you?

All the people I know who are doing this kind of work are women. They are all doing it because it will fit in around their kids or other jobs. They have been told about the thousands of pounds you can earn and think that the reason they are not making that kind of money is because their salesmanship is somehow lacking. They all work long hours often in the evening, knocking on doors to try and flog crap products that no one wants. If you were to work out how many hours they put in for the little money they earn, they would be better off doing an evening shift in a supermarket. Some of the women I know are making a loss. They have forked out for their training, their kit and their petrol every time they do a party and very rarely sell enough stuff to get any money at all.

I believe that there are a lot of companies whose main workers are these women. They do all the hard work for a promise of riches. There are a few people above them actually making money but the face-to-face selling is done by an army of women who earn virtually nothing.

Why I’m sending my kids to school

I’ve been reading a lot about home schooling recently and it is an idea that I have been mulling about since Osiris’ birth. In a weeks’ time he starts pre-school and I am finding the answers to the questions at last.

First of all I would like to say that I think Home schooling is great and I’m glad there are people doing it. If there is a time when it is appropriate for either of my children then we would give it a try, I’m not ruling it out as an option for my family at a later date

BUT

Why does school exist?

Most people give you some wishy-washy crap about learning to get on with other children. My two are part of a huge family and I have seen Osiris learn his socialisation skills with his cousins and friends already so, no, school isn’t for that.

Let me tell you what it’s for

Education – let me repeat that

EDUCATION!

Guess what, I don’t know everything.

My mother is a physics teacher who has been getting kids through GCSE and A-level physics for more then 20 years. She knows what works, what doesn’t. She has little tricks like getting the whole class singing “velocity is distance over time” and telling them to remember ‘What is Vera? Vera Is Randy’ (W=IV and V=Ir). I’ve met people who, years later can still remember those equations when everything else from school has faded, especially their school friendships that we are meant to need so much.

I hated most of school but the bits I loved were when I got to learn. I loved messing about with chemicals in chemistry, expressing myself in drama, I couldn’t get enough of biology were I was told how things really worked. After geography I would look at the landscape and understand why it was like that. Every day I would go in and want to learn.

I don’t have a lab in my house or 20 years experience teaching every subject. I don’t speak French and I can’t read music. Most things I’d be able to read up before I taught it but would I know how to make it interesting? NO!

There is another important reason why my children need to go to school….I am MAD. I don’t mean zany madcap crazy oh-look-I-wear-tie-dye mad. I mean properly nervous-breakdown end-up-in-hospital mad. When I met Rob I was as mad as cake. I’ve pulled myself through a recovery process that my kids are part of but it’s still there, lurking. Will I crack up today and try to kill myself? Will I end up screaming and rocking in a cupboard? Who knows? That’s the kind of things I think when I wake up.

So I need the kids to be away from me for a little while. Not for me but for them. They need to know what ‘normal’ is so they can embrace it or reject it as they see fit, but if it were just me and them in a house forever they might end up fruit loops like me.

I feel like I have to defend my decision to send Osiris off to school next week but I know how excited he is to be going. I taught him to count to 10 at an early age but then forgot the rest because I have had a baby. If I can’t remember to tell him about the other numbers past 10, how am I going to handle teaching him to read on my own? I’m not going to, I’m calling in the experts….teachers! They’re not all bad you know.

Tagged…again!

Yes this time by Clare. Not sure what a ‘meme’ is…is it because it is about me, me!

Meme of three:

1.Things that scare me:
Dark houses – outside is ok, it’s just the houses, the ghosts come out of the walls…don’t they?

Cars.

Not having, and following, my free will.

2. People who make me laugh:
My Brother IRGXANA

Owen Tomplikinglinglingingson – an old friend who lives in Bristol.

Eddie Izzard

3. Things I hate the most:
Seeing people I love in bad relationships with bullying men

The ‘war’ on ‘terror’ and all the media propaganda surrounding it.’

A day looming ahead with nothing to do, two bored children, no help with childcare and no money.

4. Things I don’t understand:

Any language other than English.

Why everyone doesn’t read all the time.

Why we don’t all rise up against a society that clearly isn’t working
5. Things I’m doing right now:
Crunching ice.

Watching Osiris look though a toy catalogue and making his Christmas list

Listening out for baby upstairs. He’s in bed with his Dad but has learnt how to climb out feet first and crawl to the top of the stairs.

6. Things I want to do before I die:
Have a really great acid, mushroom, MDMA night with Rob and a group of fab people at a festival and not worry about who’s looking after the kids.

See a woman in power who will make a difference – a woman president? Not a man in drag like Thatch but a woman’s’ woman!

See my boys get to adulthood without being battered by the world to the point where they want to kill themselves.

7. Things I can do:
Run a household

Entertain myself

Talk about books.

8. Ways to describe my personality:
Private

Cynical

Honest

9. Things I can’t do:
Keep anything tidy for more than two minutes.l

Keep my temper

Suffer fools

10. Things I think you should listen to:
Polly singing

Women drumming and calling up the Goddess

The inner voice of your own will

11. Things you should never listen to:
Anti-women propaganda

Sexist/racist ‘jokes’

Me shouting at my kids

12. Things I’d like to learn:
How to make lots of money with my talents – whatever they are.

How to keep everyone in my household emotionally OK, including myself. I was going to put ‘happy’ but I realised that the kids need to see anger and sadness and learn how to deal with it.

How to drive a car

13. Favorite foods:

Chocolate!!!!

Chinese take-away

Steak – blue and bloody

14. Beverages I drink regularly:
Tea

Water

Dr. Pepper

15. Shows I watched as a kid:
Thundercats

Battle of the planets

Rude channel four films in my room late at night
16. People I’m tagging to do this meme:
IRGXANA

Alyx

I could be going the way of Wonko the Sane

Whilst out shppoing I saw a lloypop with 'no sugar' in. After an epic battle of
"can I have it?"
"No"
"why?"
"because you can't"
"why?"
"because you have already had sweets today"
"why?"
continue ad nauseum
...with my son, I noticed that on the box of lollies it had AS SEEN ON TV.
Yes, that's because you made an advert, that's why it was seen on TV.
Do people fall for this? Do they see the sign and think "Well, if they are on TV then they must be good. Maybe they came top in a Watchdog survey of sweets that are good for you. I'll buy ten"
No they don't!
ARHHHHH!
That's it, I'm turning my house inside out tomorrow. Welcome to the madhouse - you're all in it.

Wonko the sane appears in So long and thanks for all the fish by Douglas Adams

Who is a terrorist?

According to the dictionary it a person who commits terrorism, which is:

The unlawful use or threatened use of force or violence by a person or an organized group against people or property with the intention of intimidating or coercing societies or governments, often for ideological or political reasons.

Further to this in April the Terrorism Act 2006 came into effect and the “glorification of terrorism” is now an act of terrorism. So now a terrorist can be someone who has not committed a violent act or harmed anyone.

Who defines what an act of terrorism is? In England it has been re-defined for us by the law.

“Property damage is terrorism if done for an ideological cause”

“Risking public health and safety is terrorism”

“Disrupting an electronic system is terrorism”

“Fundraising for terrorists is terrorism”

“Sympathizing with terrorists is terrorism”

“Wearing a t-shit, or a badge, or carrying a mug with a terrorist logo on, is terrorism”

So if you have a bit of a street party where an ambulance can’t get through you are ‘risking public health and safety’ and are therefore a terrorist?

So who decides what a terrorist organization is? It can cover organisations that which used to be part of our right to protest for instance new terrorist laws were used to stop a legitimate protest at the Fairford peace camp.

YES if you believe in Nuclear Disarmament you are a terrorist!

Pacifism is now a terrorist act. So throw your CND mugs away ‘cos they will have you for that!

“Once the Secretary of State has banned you political organisation, continuing to support it carries a ten year prison term. Directing its operations incurs a life sentence”

You don’t have to BE violent, you can just THREATEN it to ba a terrorist.

So Feminists, when we say we are going to bring down the patriarchy we are on very dodgy ground. When Maia asked why the feminist books were not in a political section perhaps the answer is…if they were, we would all be called terrorists and if you are a terrorist - wave your rights good-bye! Maybe we should be glad we are operating under the radar.

A case of bubonic plagiarism

Yup, sorry Maia it was a good idea so I’ve nicked it!

10 things I would put into room 101

1. People who don’t know where the references ‘room 101’ and ‘Big Brother’ come from.

2. People who say “I don’t really read….I can’t get into books” As Mark Twain said “A man who does not read is no better than a man who cannot read”

3. People who say “I wanted to breastfeed but I didn’t have enough milk” but yet know that there are all sorts of help lines and groups they could have accessed. Look, if you want to bottle feed stand up for your decision, don’t perpetuate the myth that our bodies are faulty and that we need a man-made product like the evil formula. Now I’m not having a go at mums who were told they were starving their babies by crap midwives and then later found out about breastfeeding support, no, I talking about the ones that know I’m a Breastfeeding Supporter and who don’t want to piss me off by saying “I chose bottles” Look, I don’t care, it’s your baby you’re poisoning, just don’t make up some crap lie. Grrr.

4. Men who try to make me feel guilty for being a feminist. They think I’m having a personal dig at them. “But I’m not a rapist” Well done! What do you want? A medal saying “This man does not rape women”? We are all responsible for society and saying “I’m not a bad man” does not mean you can opt out of the crusade. It means great, you’re in with us. But these guys just think I’m having a go at them when I talk about foot-binding!

5. The assumption that women like shoes. I have two pairs, sandals and hiking boots. I’d walk barefoot if it were not for all the glass on the pavements of the ghetto.

6. MONEY – wouldn’t life be so much better without it?

7. People who keep three huge German Shepard dogs in a tiny two bed roomed terrace house. We have plenty of them round here. You can hear the animals howling in the day then the owners take them for a ‘walk’ to the park that meant for kids to play in, the dogs do the most enormous shits and then they are taken home. Some people don’t even bother taking the dogs to the park. The streets of Gloucester are paved with shit.

8. The soft porn that pretends to be music videos.

9. My poor Mother’s obsessive pursuit of thinness and ‘beauty’. It has ruled her whole life. She has never eaten what she wants; she hates herself so much and spends an hour in the gym every morning. The woman’s nearly 60 for God’s sake. I think she should admit she’s not going to be thin now after dieting for 40 years. She sighs in pain when she sees Pamela Anderson and says “I’d give anything to look like that” What give up your kids and your degree you worked so hard for and your husband who loves you and your grandchildren? Thanks!

10. The horrible cloud that follows me around with WHO’S GOING TO DIE NEXT written on it. It’s only a matter of time before the next sad phone call when you feel all the blood run cold in your body. We’ve had a lot of those recently.

10 things I would put into room fluffy

1. All my lovely friends - The Dartington crew, my BIBS friends, Surestart mums, old school friends, my sister and brother who are more friends that siblings, without you all I’d be a dribbling wreak in a hole.

2. My family. I love the three lads, Rob, Osiris and Solomon. I count the cats in with this one; after all they are the fluffiest of all fluffy things. Also Mum and Martyn who have supported me.

3. CHOCOLATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. Ebay.com – at last a place where I can buy clothes in my size. You’ve no idea how hard it is to get things if you are a big girl in England. I’ve been buying tie-dye stuff from Singapore that go so large I’m only a medium!

5. All things pagan!

6. The beautiful world and the flowers and the animals and the rainbows and the thunder and the rain and the seasons and….well isn’t it great to be alive?

7. Ancient places. Stonehenge, Avebury, Glastonbury Tor and all the lesser known places that are still holding their quiet secrets.

8. Writing. Words. The printing press. Hooray for reading!

9. Making love with Rob.

10. Singing and drumming until you go into a trance and your third eye opens.

A picture of me in a sari!

What does it mean to be female?

Following a post from Maia I thought I might take a look at the subject.

I’ve boiled it down to a few thoughts and all of these are my own feelings so if I have been glaringly stupid then excuse me…correct me!

Biology.

Like it or not our femaleness is defined by our bodies. The first thing is our vulva, or in some cases our lack of penis. A lot of intersex people have been labelled female when in fact they are genetically male. (For a really great book about this sort of mix-up read Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides). The next thing that defines us is our ability to have children, or indeed lack of it. Most women experience the cycles and changes her body goes through every month or so and this is a very important part of the experience of being female. Some women have terrible pain, some faint once a month, some take it in their stride, some feel lots of things but refuse to acknowledge it because that would make her ‘weaker’ than her male counterparts. Breasts are the third in my list. If any of the three ‘female’ parts are missing or not functioning a lot of women say they feel less feminine.

But hang on a cotton-pickin’ minute….Why is my body only female in it’s sexual places? I tell you I have a female brain, a female brow-ride, female pelvis, and female feet! You can tell the sex of a skeleton even if the soft fleshy parts are not there. I function as a whole woman and not one of my body pieces defines that, not my gall-bladder (no longer there!) or my womb (in a post-baby slumber). Our female bodies store fat in different ways, digest food in different ways, endures pain in different ways, think around problems in different ways to men.

The experience of being female

Yep, any way you look at it if you are labeled female then you are treated in a different way from the males. There is a very famous study of this where a number of people are given babies to hold. Without fail if the baby was dressed in blue and had a boy’s name then they would jiggle it about and try to illicit some physical response from it. The same baby in pink with a girls name would make people rock and coo it to sleep. So it goes…girls are gentle, boys are physical.

Time and time again I am told that my oldest child is ‘challenging’ because he’s a boy and that’s just what they are like, but I have seen plenty of girls just as crazy (his cousin is one…I think it must be in Rob’s genes!)

It doesn’t take you more than a few years to realize when you are playing against type. My three-year old asked me “Is he a man or a lady?” about a man who served us ice cream. The guy had short curly hair and a lip ring, no make up, no dresses but his slightly not-butchness confused my son. Osiris is not even surrounded by very butch men but he had picked up something that had been drummed into him about gender from day one.

The History of Women

It is our duty to educate ourselves, our sons and daughters and our peers about women’s history. How we have been treated, what we have been allowed to be, what we have become and what we are now. This is not the twisted version that starts with a caveman clubbing a women over the head (although a cartoon image, a surprising number of people think this is how it actually was) followed by damsels in chastity belts then some mumblings about votes for women and TA-DA you are now free women – rejoice and be grateful! The real history is how our power and influence in society has waxed and waned though time and through cultures. We have shaped the cultures, we have fought them, we have been the landowners and the hunters and we have been broken dolls with 3 inch feet. There have been times where the paternity of a child was never guaranteed so that the women inherited the wealth off each other. The more I read about our history the more I realise we can be anything and probably already have.

Gender in nature

Being male is a bit of a weird thing in nature. Not many things are just male. Quite a lot of creatures are male and female e.g. slugs and snails, most plants. Some animals are just female e.g. aphids. Some change gender e.g. lots of fish start of life as small males then turn to large females when they grow. So much of being female in our society is all about procreation but in nature the male’s job is sometimes just as to the point. E.g. spiders that fertilise the female and are then eaten by their mate, male and female salmon spawn and die together hours later, most colony insects are all female, they make a few males a year to fertilise the queens, they do their job and promptly die. I could give examples that would take up many pages where life forms do not conform to our gender stereotypes - like the female hyena who has more testosterone than the male and who has a birth canal that sticks out of her body and looks like a penis. So even if you are looking at an animal with dangly bits you can’t assume it’s male.

We all started off as female in the womb. The vulva forms in all babies then in some the lips fuse and the clitoris grows and these babies become little boys. So in reality all men are mutated women. So ‘looking to nature’ to back up patriarchal bullshit doesn’t work.

For a really in depth look at what female animals are really up to and why 'mothering instinct' is a big pile of crap read Mother Nature by Sarah Blaffer Hrdy

Books you have to read....3

If you think books with pictures are for kids then think again! Neil Gaiman's series of graphic novels The Sandman will make you review the whole genre.
After I read these books I felt as if the characters had been part of my life forever; I was just remembering them, not meeting them for the first time.
The Endless are 7 siblings who are part of existence. They are older than Gods, they created the Gods, or at least the things the Gods were created from. Most of the stories revolve around Dream who is a sulky deep kind of guy who is flawed but does his job. His sister Death features quite largely and she also has her own mini-series of books. She is a happy Goth who embraces souls when it is their time to go, with her smile to go towards nobody minds too much about dying. Delirium is based in Tori Amos and is mad as a goose.
I can't tell you enough how great these books are. There is one called The Wake where the whole book is a funeral. For anybody who has lost a friend this is a very touching and true account of the emotions you feel on the day you all say goodbye to them.
My dear friend Hayley used to have a huge picture of Death on her wall. Everyone used to think it was a picture of her. She made me read the first of these books and I couldn't read anything else until I had read all of them. She died in 2000 and I don't think I have ever cried so much. Every time I feel sad about her I read The Wake and I know I am not alone with grief that does not seem to end.

I have realised that I tie the association of Hayley to these books so strongly that I feel like crying just thinking about them. Oh well...there you go.

I get tagged!

I wasn’t sure what all this tagging stuff was about but I love books and so I am happy to be asked about my opinions. Thanks Alyx

One book that changed my life
The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf. I used to be a terribly insecure teenager who wouldn’t step foot in the street with out a tonne of make-up on. I had been lead to believe that my face was not suitable for the eyes of others. I read this book when I was quite young and I literally threw away my make-up when I’d finished it. Since then I’ve been so much happier; this is what I look like and hey, I’m ok. What was the make-up covering anyway? It didn’t make me look any thinner! (I’m cool with the weight thing too, see photo below for evidence!)
One book I have read more than once
The Mists Of Avalon by Marian Zimmer Bradley. Ohf I love this book. Again a book I read when I was quite young. It was my gateway to paganism and the whole Goddess thing. It’s the Arthurian legend retold through the eyes of the women – a must for teenage girls!
One book I would want on a desert island
The Narnia books by C.S. Lewis. They are my comfort reads. My mother read and re-read them to me through some very dark and unhappy years of my childhood.
One book that made me laugh
Anything by Jasper Fford – go on read them!
One book that made me cry
I don’t often cry at books but I remember being in tears when reading The Well of Loneliness by Radcliff Hall. If you want to see how far lesbian society has come then read this book.
One book I wish had been written
The lies your Doctor and Midwife will tell you and how to tell them to all fuck off
One book I wish had never had been written
Brigit bloody Jones by Helen bloody Fieldlng. God I hate this book. When I read it I thought it was a good example of a woman who had been so beaten down by the patriarchy that she had gone finally mad. Little did I know most of the single thirty-something’s would all be saying “Oh that’s just like me” really proudly. I will say this only once IT’S NOT NORMAL TO LIVE LIKE THAT. No wonder they are all on Prozac.
One book I am currently reading
The shadow of the wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon
One book I have been meaning to read
The history of the breast
One book I wish I had written
Written on the body by Jeanette Winterson. It’s a masterpiece
Books I read but wouldn’t want my family to know that I read
My mother and I have a rule not to talk about the books we are reading. She like crime ‘novels’ where prostitutes get brutally murdered in inventive ways and a hard-nosed cop has to solve the mystery, whilst I like things you require more than 3 brain cells to read.

Right; I tag Clare and Rich

I read a book!

Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell

I picked this book up because it was the Recommended Read from the Richard and Judy book club; I’m not sure it lived up to its accolade.

This book is a set of 6 stories; the first set in nineteenth century, the next in the 1930’s and so on until the last one is set in a post-apocalyptic future. We are given the first half of 5 stories progressing into the future, then the full 6^th story in the middle of the book followed by a return to the previous stories going in reverse chronological order back down to the end of the first story.

Things that work in this book:

l I haven’t read a book in this format before and for the first few minutes, while I worked out what was going on, I was excited by the possibilities.

2 The writer successfully tells each story in a very distinct style. One is a diary, one is told through letters, another is a crime novel, an outline for a film, a futuristic recording devise and the last one is an oral retelling. The voices of the first person are all very different and you can tell the author has put a lot of work into this aspect of the novel.

3 Two stories are told in the future. One is a place where workers are cloned and the big corporations own everything – even people. Films are called Disneys, cars are called Fords, the clone workers of a fast food place are breed to have no personality and do not leave the shop for their whole lives. The other futuristic story is set in a world where the technology has been the cause of mankind’s downfall and they are reduced to a primitive existence. There is the memory of the ‘smarts’ of the old people but not the means to use it. I enjoyed reading these two parts as I am always up for a bit of sci-fi if it contains new ideas.

4 There is an underlying subtext about power structures in all of the stories.

Things that do NOT work in this book:

l The general gist of this book is that there are links between the stories and that there is one person who is reincarnated into each one. This has been done before and by MUCH better writers.

2 There is not much of a plot going on in any of the stories, when you read the second half of each one you’re left disappointed. This is a bit annoying in a book where it happens once but in this book it happens six times.

3 The reincarnated character in each one has a birthmark in the shape of a comet. COME ON! I mean please!!! Don’t insult the reader’s intelligence with such clumsy plot pointers as this. It’s almost like he’s had to go back and put that in because he was told some people might not get the whole reincarnation thing. Don’t worry, it’s not exactly hidden. I found these parts incredibly annoying and couldn’t believe it when the reference to the ‘comet birthmark’ came up again and again. OK – I’ve got it now, thanks

4 The links between the stories were just as tenuous. It was all just a bit too convenient and unbelievable.

Overall I thought this book represented some great ideas that may have made a remarkable book in the hands of a better writer,

however this book was just mediocre; a bit of a holiday book to read when you want to give your brain a rest.

I'm back and I'm a bigot (maybe)

Yeah and I've got post-festival blues! I had an amazing time and spent some great nights chatting around the campfire in the company of some fine upstanding women - you know who you are! So thank you for all the support with kids and my little tantrums I have most of the time!
I didn't get to do very much this year having two kids - got to see puppets shows and story time but not much heart energy healing type stuff.

I did find something interesting out about myself though that has stayed with me. We were in the Women's Dome in a workshop titled 'what the female means to me' and in comes a man in a dress - tights and all! 'He' was called Alison and we were all asked if we were ok with it. I nodded and believed myself to be as open as the next woman (who was a dyke who strapped her breasts down and played at being a boy) but as we talked I started to feel something a bit different.
I felt like going into the men's Dome with my trousers on, saying "Hi I'm Bill" and sitting in there and telling all the guys of my experience of being male. Hmmmm....
Am I closed to ideas of fluidity of gender or do I feel a spy in the camp? ('scuse the pun) None of the biological women were sitting around in a big flouncey skirt and tights; we were all in comfy festival clothes, mostly trousers. It's a bit like the sketch in Little Britain - "But can't you see, I'm a lady?" Also I do believe that you may be treated as a woman, you might even pass as a woman but you will never know what it is like to have grown up being labeled female from the moment you were born. All the hard-wiring was done back then.
Hmmmm....You ain't a woman 'till you've ridden the menstrual cycle honey

Ring ding a ding it's a holiday...

ring a dang dong it's a holiday.
If you want to go yo Sven

Yes in a few moments I will be off to the Big Green...HOfuckin'RAY
The only problem is that yesterday the skies did open upon me and drench the hell out of me. My heart sank and I started to think about all the people I've blagged to come and how horrible it will be if it's a wet festival.
I don't mind a wet one - I am, after all, a veteran of the Glastonburys of '97 and '98 - but I will be worried about the children. It used to be a licence to get really mashed if it rained but that option is no longer avaliable to me.
Osiris keeps saying he wants it to rain because he wants to wear his new wellies. hmmmm....the boy does not know the horrors of a leaky tent!
The weather forcast looks sunny though...let's hope it's right!

Peace out and Blessed Be 'tll I get back