Blimey; taps run dry

Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink...or wash in, or flush the toliet with.
Yes, I live in Gloucester where there have been terrible floods causeing the water supply to dry out. Yeah ironic, I know. If I hear another News Reporter say it's ironic I will march down to the Docks myself and punch him squrely on the jaw.
In a few days I am off to the Big Green Gathering and I can firmly say that this is the first time I have been looking forward to a festival shower. At least this will make for some interesting camp fire tales.
Most of the news reports have been banging on about the 'community spirt' and how people are all helping each other, well, they're not doing it around here. The Water people have placed hundreds of 'bowsers' around the city (see, we all learnt a new word this week, did anyone know what a bowser was before?) and in the heart of dear ol' Tredworth the kids have been leaving the taps on, pissing in them, vandalising them and what water is left has been nicked by the fish and chip shop. There is NEVER any water in them. Yeah, great community spirt, thanks, you bastards.
I've been staying at my mother's for a few days but I had to come home or I think she would have lost it with either the kids or me. They are crazy bordom driven maniacs and I am one big bag of PMT and slow simmering anger. I really think I should be laughing about this and pulling everyone together but with a partner who thinks there is no crisis (think...kids + no water = crisis!!!!) and a brain that keeps telling me to RUN AWAY I'm finding it hard to keep a smile on my face, oh, I'm failing, no smiles here.
I keep thinking about the festival but now I'm into those last days where if you forget something it's too late so I'm going over and over the list in my head.
I am incresingly finding it harder and harder to look after the children. When one is asleep I can cope with the other one but two children seems to be too much for me at the moment.
I don't think it's just the lack of hot baths that's doing it. I'm finding myself in a life that seems to be crumbling at the edges and to quote myself "the love has turned to dust".
At least in a few days time I shall be sitting in a tent and good friends will be there. I hope my party 'can do' spirit shows some sign of returning by then. I've got a good book to read, I will just retreat to the tent with my torch.

Getting excited

It's only three weeks untill we go on holiday to the big green thingy! I'm getting really excited. My sister phoned me up in the middle of the night to chat to me about how excited she's getting! It's all good and the rain seems to be staying away now.

Extreme Hovering

You know your life lacks excitement when you get a thrill out of seeing how closely you can vacuum to the dressing gown belt on the floor without it getting sucked up and breaking the hoover.
Wow, I got really close...and then I realized what I was doing...

Hey, some feminist stuff at last

Coke and Mints

Well, this cheered me up a treat. Although it did make me want to drink Diet Coke.

What if the rock I've built my happiness on is just sugar? What if this rain never stops and it washes all the sureness away? Why can't I stop crying?
My words and sounds are just moans, I have no way to articulate this pain. How did this happen? How could my life be filled with this feeling again after so many years of floating, floating above it, keeping my head above water? Now I am drowning.
I feel like a death has occurred, I am in mourning, I am in black. I want to ring my eyes with Kohl, I want to dress as another woman for a while, slip my skin and slither away.
I want to tear out my heart and leave it for someone who needs it. I thought I did not feel it's ache anymore, I thought that pain had stopped. But it never stops, just waits for you to become complacent and say those fateful words "Happy".
I feel the black blood in my vein, the mad blood pumping and flowing through me. I feel it strain against my skin, I feel it wanting to return. I want to see the red red wound I know I can feel. It's calling to me, low and seductive. Loss of control, embracing madness, giving in to the red red wound, letting it manifest itself upon my body.
But I am "Mother" now and the loss will not be just mine. Will I take my children down with me...welcome to your own madness my children, you will get here by yourself eventually but let Mother take you on an express ride to you destination.
no, not tonight. I've looked into their eyes and tonight I will swallow down my pain, swallow it deep down.
My tears will do.

Slam it to the left
If you're having a good time
Shake it to the right
If you know that you feel fine
Chicas to the front
Uh Uh go round
Slam it to the left
If you're having a good time
Shake it to the right
If you know that you feel fine
Chicas to the front
Hi Ci Ya Hold Tight


Don't mind me, I'm just warming up for the Spice Girls reunion tour

Osiris

We went to a parents meeting yesterday at the school where Osiris goes to in the morning to see 'how he was getting on'. We were told he was very clever and was amazing at number work. Much proudness at my little man!!
However he is emotionally sensitive.
Oh dear.
Clever and sensitive.
Shit...it's happening again!!!!
I fear for him, not just at school but in life. I hope he does better than I did.
"Clever and sensitive" just about did me in, they can hurt you. Ohhh...they can really hurt you.

Start 'em young!

*******Disclaimer********
Since we have a new computer, and since we have not got all the stuff back on it (I'm SOOOO technical aren't I) I don't have my handy spellchecker working. I apologise for the terrible spelling you might come across. They did do spelling at my school but I was away that day!

Right back to the real post.
Osiris is starting school in September and I have been going along to lots of parent meetings telling us about how the school works etc etc. Yesterday was a session entitled 'How you can be involved'. Oooh! Some women was talking about fundraising they had to do for the school.
FUNDRAISING??? Why is the government not providing everything they need?
Anyway; it came up that a fundraising event that they are doing this year (thank goodness it's not next year so it doesn't affect Osiris) is a fashion show.
A FASHION SHOW??? FOR 4 YEAR OLDS???
Yes, apparently some clothes manufacture is bringing loads of clothes for the kids to model on the runway and then parents can buy the clothes.
Hmmmm....anybody else see anything wrong with this?
I stuck my hand up and asked "Do you think that a fashion show is an appropriate thing for 4 year olds to do?" The woman looked blankly at me and so did all the other parents.
"I don't understand...." She said
"Well, you wouldn't have a fundraising event where the kids were pole dancing would you"
Shocked looks all round.
Am I the only person who thinks this is inappropriate?
There is lots of talk about the loss of childhood innocence but surely this is exactly the kind of thing that is taking the innocence of childhood away.
So I think I will try to become involved in the school, maybe see if I can be a parent Governor? SOMEBODY needs to remind these people about their moral obligation to protect children from the terrible image obsessed marketing machine. For fucks sake there is plenty of time for that when they become teenagers.
"Well, they don't have to join in" The woman told me "it's all voluntary"
Arh yes and there's where they really get you; you don't have to join us...but then you will be a Billy-No-Mates and we will all laugh at you.

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Thanks to Danielle's Daily Life for this